It's not over till it's over, and once is not enough!

Well, I've gotta say...this has just been quite the ride! Have you ever been to Disney Land around August?  It's so fun and pretty darn wonderful for the most part, but holy cow! The lines are soooo long, and there are so many people it's hard to keep your group together and all in sight. It's super hot, and unless you are prepared, you are going to be spending lots of $ on food and water and if your like me, bugged that you just spent all that money for, "What!?" But in the end, you don't really remember all that. You mostly remember the magic, the fun, the sparkle in your kids eyes, and the memories, you know will last and last.

This past four months have been a bit like my first trip to Disney in August.  I was so excited in the days and weeks before starting this journey. I was nervous too, but it had been so lovingly planned out and paved for me, that I knew it would be a trip worth taking. (I was right)

That first few weeks were so difficult as I fought and faced myself, and my weaknesses head on. It hurt! I had been ignoring the blatantly obvious for so long, and now in order to change I was having to force myself to look at the 'real' me. I was reminded of those frustrating things about myself everyday when I worked out at the gym, or struggled through making a certain difficult food choice and whatever ramifications went with it. Whether social, emotional, or just habit. It was so tough in the beginning, and it stayed that way for a couple of months. And then continued, as my weight loss stopped for almost an entire month while we tried to figure out what in the world was going on.

I did have my moments of bliss in between occasionally. Like realizing that I still had muscle underneath all my fluff, and that I was actually a person with a great amount of endurance and strength. So grateful for my sponsored membership at the Smithfield Rec Ctr. and for my amazing trainer for helping me find that! Or, when I went into my dietitian a month after working my tail off, and saw the fruits of my labors for the first time with my weight, inches, and body fat % dropping dramatically. Or, when I got my second MRBA test done by sweet Barbie, and saw there were actually changes and improvements taking place within my body from the efforts I was making.

My foot zones were one of my favorite rides. They were like a therapy session/ motivational seminar/ and foot massage all rolled into one! When you are working so hard, rejuvenation is vital. I found myself so hungry for the knowledge that I was gaining, and so many pieces to my physical puzzle were coming together through the foot zone, along with the info and knowledge Stacey shared to help me sort things out. Just little things that were out of whack with my diet that were keeping me down, or making it difficult for me to feel solid, and thrive. It was so exciting to try the things she told me to do,and find that they really worked! And not just for me, but for my family too.

Another amazing part of my trip has been the coaching I received to help me get through the mental barriers that were keeping so much of my joy at bay.  Every time I got on the phone with Heather, I was blown away by the insights that she shared with me, and the thoughts that rushed into my mind about things I could do or change. Whether it had to do with just myself,  or other relationships that were struggling because of the changes that were taking place. She has helped me learn that in order to improve and grow and change, I have to accept and appreciate myself just the way I am, right now. She warned me in the very beginning that if I went on thinking the way I was, I would find a skinny Heidi, who still wasn't quite happy with  life. I find great strength from the perspective that has been shared with me through my wonderful,wise health coach.

Just like my first trip to Disney Land this last summer, this past four months has been a unique, once in a lifetime journey for me with my health. I plan on continuing my preparations for a healthy, happy life with my family, and am super excited to see how much stronger and healthier I will become with them!

The challenges and experiences of my journey will change a little now, because I'll be doing things a little differently as I progress. But I look forward to it!  I've learned so much about what to expect out of myself and my life, and how to go after the desires of my heart.  It's been so powerful for me to recognize more fully that I am the one who really directs my travel. And that the impact I have on my family and loved ones around me can be great! It goes without saying how imperfectly I go about this journey overall, but hopefully it demonstrates to others that it can still be done, imperfections and all!:)

I am a new person! 3 sizes smaller is a good thing, but not nearly as far reaching as the changes that have taken place inside! The outside will come, but I've got to be different inside to push myself to the new heights I am craving. If you see me around, don't hesitate to ask me how I am doing. If I'm keeping up with the changes I've started.  It will help me remember, because I really can't afford to forget:) I've got a glimpse of how good it feels to take care of myself, and it is too good to loose.

Thanks for sharing my journey with me, for reading along and wishing the best for me:)  I realize how blessed I am. Thank you to all the people who have helped me for these long 4 months. I love each of them, and have been so strengthened by their encouragement, expertise, and guidance. My life has been made all the sweeter because of  those influences for good.

See you around!
Heidi Ho


Oh, I almost forgot!  My last weigh in was yesterday.  I am 30lbs down, 37 inches smaller, and my body fat has gone down 15%!

correction/update

I've had a couple of my friends asking me for clarification on my last blog.  I was in such a hurry to get it posted that I left out some info.

My workout schedule when I first started the challenge in January was M-W-F for an hour with my trainer, doing mostly weights with a little cardio mixed in.  Then on Tues. and Thursday, I have done my running/walking spurts on the treadmill, a workout DVD, or a walk at the park across from my house. A couple of weeks ago though, I added in an Insanity workout, which is 6 days a week, and I took out my Tues-Thurs morning workouts. I loved the Insanity workouts that first week with those gals! We met at a friends house in the afternoon and just went for it! It is so helpful to have someone encouraging you along the way. After the first several workouts, I kept having to miss whether it was my babysitting job, or piano lessons, or just family stuff.  I was so torn, and felt so bad, but it was just too much for me in the middle of the day with everything going on. You really do have to find what works for you and make it happen. That's what my friends are doing, and that's what I am doing.  I realized that if I miss my morning workout, my day is just off, even though I workout later in the day. Morning is definitely my fave workout time, and I am just  too attached to my day time schedule to fit in a workout then:(

My family and I have been involved in the play "Joseph and the Technicolor Dream Coat" for the last 4 months. It has been super fun, but pretty exhausting as well. And I haven't even had time to get on my FB account but maybe 2 times a week or so for quick 5-10 min spurts.(one of my favorite past times)  But it's over now, our performances were this last weekend and we're done! It really was a ton of fun, and I feel like we all get our lives back to "normal" now which is a good thing. :)

I still am finding it tricky getting in all my calories.  I went to Women's conference a couple weeks ago and so I didn't get my workouts, but I still ate well during the day. I did eat at P.F Chang's with my cute sisters, and even though I did okay on the main meal, we did all share the chocolate cake after din.  Oh my! That was so yummy. I told my sisters as I was eating it, "Don't even try to stop me! lol  Oh, and I ate a chocolate mint brownie that everyone kept raving about. (also very delish) but I'm guessing it was prob. 400+ cals. UGH! When I got home I was surprised to see that I had lost 2 lbs in the 2&1/2 days I was gone.  I'm sure it was probably on it's way off before then with all the working out I was doing, but I kind of wonder if I may not have been eating quite enough before then.... Who knows! I am excited to weigh myself tomorrow and see what the scale has to say for my efforts this past week.

I can't believe that come Saturday this challenge will be over! It's been four amazing months of extreme growth and learning.  I am such a different girl than I was going into this!  I am a bit overwhelmed still by the journey ahead of me because I do have quite a ways to go, but I am much better equipped now to handle the trip successfully and stay on the right track.

I had an epiphany the other day as I was sweating and panting at the gym.  "Working out hides a multitude of inadequacies"  I find it so wonderful that I can go to the gym stressed, or overwhelmed, or feeling really rotten about my progress and then not even half way through the workout I am feeling skinnier, and stronger, and worth it! I feel like a new girl every time I leave that place!  Love, love, love that I can actually enjoy something I once hated so badly!  Thank you to Travis, for helping me see how strong I am, and for pushing me hard enough that I could actually find out for myself!

I will be doing my final weigh in and measurements this Thurs with Jeanine in Preston at the Groll Family Fitness Ctr.  I will let you know how it goes in my final blog:) along with before and after pics:)

Change is good for the soul!

I feel so good today!  It's been an amazing workout week!  I haven't needed the alarm once to get up at 5:30 for workouts.  I am actually excited to get up and go to the gym.  Even a month ago, it didn't feel quite like that, I was thrilled once I was there and going, but the getting there was still hard at times.  I have had the support of my amazing muscle clad trainer, my sweet friend Jaelyn, who wakes up at the crack of dawn to go with me even though she really doesn't "need" to be there, and the people at the gym who always say the kindest, most supportive things.  It's no wonder I'm excited to go;)
Well, lots has happened over the past couple of weeks.  I have upped my calories and my cardio significantly, and it's been a very good thing! I was only loosing a pound every couple of weeks at best, up until making this change. Now for two weeks in a row I have lost 2 lbs. That is very happy news for me of course.  I think I found "my sweet spot" as my health coach Heather put it. And boy is it sweet! lol
I am still working out with my trainer Travis, every Mon, Wed, and Fri. But I did insanity for several days a couple of weeks ago with some friends, but had to put that on hold for a bit, till my schedule slackens some.  But boy was that a super great workout! One of my friends, Jessica, has been doing insanity for several weeks now and has seen amazing results, so she asked me if I wanted to do it with her.  I really loved the workouts, and I was really surprised at my ability to keep up. It was a power workout, and it was hard, but I did it and it felt so good! Insanity is on the side burner for a bit, then I am starting up again.
My calories went from 1400, to between 2200_2500. It's hard still to eat that much, but I'm trying to give my body the right kind of fuel and I feel so much more energy and stamina during my days.  I blew up my kid's swimming pool today with my very own lungs, and I didn't die! lol

I am still learning so much from my foot zoner, and my health coach.  They never cease to amazing me how  knowledgeable they are, while they kindly and humbly share things that make such a huge impact in my health and thinking. I will be using that knowlege from them for the rest of my life. It has helped me so much.

"Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing." Harriet Braiker

This is the story of my life. It seems this is a balance I have forever been trying to strike. My cute Mom always told me that she was the same way. She would say things to me like, "I love to sew, but I end up having to unpick it so many times in an effort to make it perfect, that I just don't want to do it." I always thought it was so good that she cared enough to make it the best she could. She was soooo good at so many things, and I was often discouraged by her because she made everything look so easy.Yet, at the same time I was sad for her. Sad, that her need for perfection took the joy out of something she could have really enjoyed.

I suppose that we all have our "things" that we want to do perfectly. I find myself in this dilemma regularly, and  have recently been making an effort to stop trying to control everything so much that I squelch the joy out of the experience. I want so much to write to you about how wonderful it's been to do so, and how easy too! But, I would be lying.

I have been a bit numb the last couple of weeks. My weight loss has been so painfully slow.  I think my calories have been a little bit too low maybe for the kind of activity I have been doing. I'm not sure. There are always some worries that are going to pop up when your eating such a low amount of cals and your exercise is so great, and your still not loosing. Sometimes I really have to fight the temptation to wonder if someone else should have been chosen to participate in this challenge. Just because I want to make them proud of me and really set a great example for those who may be watching.  And yet, where would I have been had they chosen someone else!?  I have lost a total of nearly 30 inches in my arms, thighs,chest, waist, and abs. 7 of those have been in my waist! Truly it has been such a blessing!  This challenge for me ends the second week of May. So I do have a little more time, and I would be lying through my teeth if I told you I wasn't hoping against all odds to loose another 10 lbs by then.

It could happen, but just because this challenge ends in May. It is not an end for me.  I am so excited to continue with the changes I've made. My cute family is learning so much and we are all changing, and evolving together. Not only in what we eat, but with our mental fortitude and discipline as well. My sweet 10 yr old boy who used to think that eating as much as Daddy was the goal, is now stopping after the first serving and saying to me, "Mom, I don't know what it is, but I'm done. My tummy is just happy with a lot less food lately"
And when I make or bring home a treat. The kids don't go crazy over it. They do enjoy it but it's been so different. It's been amazing! Yesterday I made a "healthy" version of no-bakes. My 5 yr old ate two of them, and then said, "My body is telling me to stop Mommy, it wants something healthy." Then he goes to the grapes on the kitchen counter top and starts eating away at those instead! That same little man also took my baby cucumbers out of the fridge the other day and hid in his room to eat them all. It's like a dream, I never would have thought that the changes I made would be ones that my children would want to continue of their own free will. I am one happy, proud Mamma!

I really have been trying to post some pics on here for before and afters but I can't figure out how to do it! I even had my hubby try and help me, but to no avail. I promise before I finish in May, you will get some before and after pics! :)

I'ts Monday again! :)

I've made it through 12 Mondays since I started this little road trip in January!  I can't believe it has been that long. My favorite thing is the workouts! It's hard to believe that I can honestly say that and mean it!  I have really learned to love my time at the gym! The last couple of workouts got me a bit worried, because I was finishing all my weights and my warm ups in about 50 min instead of well over an hour.  I realized this morning though, that it's because I am able to whip through my reps so much faster than I could before. Because my work out was shorter, I decided to do a bit of cardio on the treadmill before I left. So I ran and walked. 1 min running and 3 minutes walking, on and off 4 times. I walked at a 4 and ran at a 7.  

Last week I watched one of the episodes on Biggest loser. Dulvet had one of the gals run at a 10 for one minute.  That was an "aha" moment for me.  I used to run track, I hated long distance, but I loved sprinting, and if it weren't for the weight, I think I really could have done amazing. As I watched that girl run at a 10 my stomach started spinning and I got so excited thinking about trying it myself that I could hardly stand it!

The next morning I tried it....I wasn't able to do a 10, but I did an 8 for 30 seconds. That was so fun! It gave me courage to keep going. My knees are hurting less and less too, so that is a goal I think I may be able to reach!  

Oh, and I cleaned out my closet this weekend.  Got rid of over half of my clothes, because they don't fit me anymore!!!  They are too big!:)

Sharing is caring!

So cheesy, right?  Well I have been struggling with my weight for so many years and have studied and read and investigated in an attempt to find some hidden treasure that would finally fill me with the desire and understanding it would take for me to change.  Over the last 16-18 years I have come across different people and information that have blessed me in little ways. And even though until now it didn't yield huge, amazing results, it did help me. Even if it just gave me the courage to hang on to the dream and have some faith in myself that someday, if not now, I would have my dream. This is what I want to offer someone!

I think we all wait for some magic moment where it all comes into view and the light bulb turns on and we are changed. But like oh so many of the things we pursue in life, it doesn't happen in one moments time. The change is slow and gradual, and just like the progress I am making with my body, it is worth it to hang in tight and keep going! I am amazed at how many things I am learning about myself as I try to embrace the challenge before me. It's like the questions are always the same but different somehow. I am starting to realize that I'm not dumb or slow to not have it all figured out yet. It's just that I am adapting to the changes in my mind and my body and the dynamics in my family, and learning to have confidence in myself. That's not something I believe anyone can have all figured out in one night.
So here I am on the soap box....
Don't give up on your dream! Feed it the best you can and believe in it.  It will happen.  I wish so much that everyone struggling with weight could have the opportunity I am having! To have the help of such wonderful people has been such a blessing.  I really feel like I have made out like a bandit! Not only because of the help these people are offering to me so willingly, but also the fact that I am making friendships and growing in ways that I would never have known otherwise.  Even more than that has been the growth I have found in the internal struggle I've been battling as I have had to go face to face with my weaknesses.

It has at times, been excruciating. I know it probably sounds like an extreme exaggeration, but it's true. When things have been really hard, I have been reminded of several different quotes that I have at one time or another heard and loved. I will share a couple with you. One is by David O MaKay “The greatest battles of life are fought out daily in the silent chambers of the soul.”  That one has always touched me. It is so true that some things we have to just wade through silently and figure out as we go.  Then there are also a couple of quotes by C.S Lewis I have loved for yrs but had forgotten until my heart reminded me just recently. “Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is. ... We never find out the strength of the evil impulse inside us until we try to fight it." and, "A man who gives in to temptation after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. That is why bad people, in one sense, know very little about badness. They have lived a sheltered life by always giving in."  Even though this was a statement religious in nature in the day, I think it rings true for any challenge that one faces. I remember learning a long time ago that if you want to stay strong you must do hard things, not what comes easy. It is true in nearly every sense of the word. One of my friends shared with me recently too, that any success we can measure is the result of consistent and diligent effort by way of achieving that goal. I'm starting to figure out that things aren't easy because they aren't meant to be. And although we all have differences that make our challenges unique to ourselves, we are all still having to fight something, and it's not easy, for good reason.

Well, just in case you are wondering,  I have now lost a total of 21 lbs, and am finally starting to believe that the clothing I am fitting into presently is not mis-marked! lol  No, I'm not telling you a story... I really thought that the couple pairs of pants I was wearing must have been marked incorrectly in order to fit me. It wasn't until I had tried on a few different items from a few different stores and they all fit me, that I believed it. I'm telling you! It takes a while to teach an old dog new tricks! :) 

The little treasures along the way.

This past couple of weeks have been a bit grueling for me I must admit.  The trade of sleep for workouts and the comfort of the "old" way of thinking/eating, versus the anything goes plan of the past is a change for sure!  Not to mention denying myself so many of the things I have loved for so long.  Oh, and then there is the brutally honest, but not exactly accurate "scale" that I find myself coming back to over and over again for reassurance, only to be largely disappointed 89% of the time.  I have jumped back and forth so many times between the "it's okay, your going in the right direction" side of the fence, and the "but your working too dang hard to see only these minimal results" side of the fence, that I am dizzy.  


I went into Groll Fitness on Mon to meet with my trainer Jeanine. I hadn't lost anymore on the scale since the week before, but I had lost another 10 inches in my arms, abs, waist, bust, and thighs from last month. My body fat percentage went down another one and a half %. That was good.  Still a bit disappointed, but it's progress.  I think the highlight of my visit with Jeanine was when I told her how stressful the scale is for me, and how I have been obsessing over it. She said, "then don't weigh unless your feeling like the jeans are getting tight, otherwise we will just weigh you once a month." Ahaaaa! Are you kidding?  I don't have to mess with that crazy scale anymore!?  Oh, I am still smiling about that! By far the best news of the week:) hahaha.  I know everyone is different, and I have thought this past 2 months that the benefits of weighing were more than the negatives, but judging by how much better I feel tossing it out for the time being, I'm gonna assume this is a good thing. (sorry about the run on sentence)
The little treasures from the last week or so have been many, so I will just list a few.
~I know I wrote about his last time too, but it really is a highlight, so I probably wont stop writing about it;) but it's the clothes.  Last Sunday I wore one of my favorite skirts from over 5 years ago that I haven't worn since right after my youngest boy was born. It was even loose on me! It wasn't loose 5 yrs ago. I totally give credit to the weight training for that one.  
~The other day I wore my husbands button up shirt for a western murder mystery dinner that we went to. That hasn't happened in a long time.  He said that it looked better on me than it did on him! ;)
~My cute 10 yr old son told me that the pockets on my jeans looked like they were in a different place.  He said " I noticed it on one pair of pants Mom, but now all of your pockets look different... your getting skinny!"  I know how hard it has been for me to overcome this, and am very grateful that I can set an example for my kids that will hopefully help them to know they can do hard things too.  
~In the night I keep waking up and finding myself lying on my stomach.  That used to be my favorite position to sleep in, but hasn't been for years.  I'm not sure exactly what it means, but it's got to be partly from the weight I've lost. 
~I pulled out all the jeans I've kept from so long ago and I actually fit into some that were 4 sizes smaller than the size I was wearing 2 months ago. They were a bit tight, but they zipped and buttoned without any crazy finagling. 
Overall I am just excited to be shrinking!  I heard from a good friend this last week that it really isn't good to loose more than a lb or two. It's something I've heard from a lot of people, several times, but something about how she said it made me think, "well I'm definitely loosing more than one lb a week!" 
~ Knowledge!  I have learned so much from Stacey, my foot zoner about natural ways to help myself.  I really love having the power to do little, simple things for myself and my family that have such a significant impact.  My health coach teaches me all these little things to do to help me keep myself motivated to continue. My personal trainer is constantly showing me ways to improve and intensify my workout and cheers me on as we go. I really am so fortunate to have this opportunity, but it is humbling when I realize that it's all up to me what I do with the knowledge and skills I'm gaining.  I am setting specific goals this week to keep my focus and energy directed the right way and am excited to share them with you!  I will be posting those in a couple of days:)