The learning curve of health

I feel like I have gone through such a plethora of experiences and emotions since January 1st.  It's so astounding to me that you can think you understand something so well, be going one hundred miles an hour in what you feel is the right direction, only to have the rug pulled out from under you.  What's even harder is the realization that it was you who pulled it! It is sobering to realize how diligent you have to be to change, and crazy how fast those old habits and ways of thinking can creep in!

When I started this new way of eating and exercising I felt so strong.  I didn't think that anything could derail me!  Especially with everyone keeping tabs on me the way they are:)  I have gone through many different learning phases as I have struggled through this process.  One of my favorite people, Henry B. Eyring, says. "There is no need to make monumental changes, just small calculated improvements".  I have always loved those words for obvious reasons, and have reminded myself of them many times. But I think I have been looking at this more monumentally than incrementally. I had been feeling so grateful to have lost 10 pds in the a little over 2 weeks, but disappointed it wasn't more. Even still, my clothes were getting bigger;) my mind has felt clearer and sharper, and life has felt doable.

This week has been so hectic and stressful, and as much as I tried to push a few difficult experiences out of my mind, the more determined they seemed to be to stay.  Some well intentioned friend said something a little rude about my weight, probably not fully intending to be mean, but it has been a hard week having that thought lingering in the back of my head.  Then I got a call from my Doctor about needing to see a cardiologist, just to look a little further into the EKG I got a few days ago. That has also been weighing on my mind.  I am always surprised to realize how much little things can impact my mental state if I don't deal with it, and actually sort things out a bit before I go stuffing them away.

When I started this journey in January, I was eating a very regimented meal plan. By the middle of the second week I switched to one that allowed for a greater variety of whole foods which I was pleased with.  I was meticulous in keeping track of all my calories for each day, making certain that I was at, or just under my 1400 cals a day. This last week I started to fit little treats into my daily calories.  Pretty soon I found I was having to sacrifice some much higher quality food in order to make my 'little' treats work.  Bit by bit I started having more and more cravings for the food that I wasn't even wanting a week ago.  I had purged the sugar almost completely out of my system and I felt so good.  But eating too many sugary things has had a huge impact on me, not counting the fact that I didn't have enough calories left to eat enough of the good stuff.  My body and me are feeling pretty sad today.

Even though my calories are still on target, my body very clearly isn't operating at it's peak. I am more discouraged and grumpy, and I am super tired!  I can really tell a difference in how I feel in just the last couple of days because of how stark the contrast is from just a few days ago.  I don't know if it's just too early to fit those treats in for me personally or if I just need to boot them all together from my life.  But for now the plan is to boot them.  Maybe when I'm stronger and a lot closer to my goal weight, I will fit the sweets back in.  For now, they are not my friends;)

I will blog again in a day or two to let you know how things are going.
Thanks for letting me be honest.  I guess some days are bound to be hard.  Here's to a better week:)