Roller coaster rides

This week has been a challenging one for me.  We changed my food plan around a bit and that has been good, but I have struggled so much with the voices in my head. (no I'm not too crazy) You know the battle that can and does exist between the part of you that wants to make a good choice and the part that just doesn't?  Ya, those voices.  I was really doing good at being smart with my eating choices and feeling mostly in control... except when I had those two bites of  peppermint ice cream.  Boy that was yummy, but do ya know?  I could not get rid of the guilt I felt from giving in to myself!  Let's be honest! It's nothing short of a miracle that I stopped at 2 bites, but I couldn't see it that way until my husband and health coach straightened me out.
Well last night I wanted to fix something that my kids and hubby would really enjoy, not just something that was in MY food plan, or some packaged prepared meal that would be fast and easy to allow me the time to fix my healthy meal.  So I mixed up a family fave. Cowboy potatoes.  It's named that because unless your out roping cows and mending fences all day, you probably don't have enough calories left in your diet budget by dinner to consume this meal. At least the way I make it with the cream soups and butter and sour cream.  But my family sure was happy!
I got out one of our supper small bowls for me, and felt full fast because my tummy has shrunk so much.  It was so delicious though that I had another.  Can you imagine how sick I was?  On the biggest loser last season someone made a comment that struck a chord with me. Sadly, I didn't remember it until just now but it was something about how if you mess up once you don't have to free fall from that point.  But that is exactly what I did.  After dinner I got a snickers bar and ate the whole thing. Oh, and it was a king size:(    
This morning I woke up feeling so heavy, and not just physically.  But I heard my cute kids running around, excited for the day and my hubby was in the kitchen unloading the dishwasher.  I am so grateful for a supportive husband who loves me unconditionally and for my beautiful children who are another reminder to me of why I am fighting this fight. This mind set and these eating habits are not a good gift to pass down to those who deserve my best.  So I am back in the ring again.
I know I don't really understand this whole thing, or how exactly to overcome it. It's never easy and there are lots of ups and downs, but there is something about the complete ride with all it's ups and downs that is so sweet. I am learning about myself and it is good to be reaching for something better than what currently is. So, I will keep reaching:)